Tank’s Tirades 1.5:  “Just Talk About the Damn Game!”

“LLLLLEEEEAAADD JJJJJAMMMMMMERRRR!!!”

The fifth time I hear that phrase in the first 15 minutes of a game, I want to put an M 80 in each ear, light the fuses, and wait for the soon to be realized tranquility of a constant ringing to drown out the clichés.  I loathe bad announcing; I despise it the way a stray dog hates a loose muffler dragging behind a car.  Listening to someone prattle on about everything but the game has been bad in the past but with games streaming online becoming more common place, how important has good announcing become?  Very.

Anyone with a microphone can technically announce a roller derby game, but few can do it well.  Most of the time, the only information you are given before a game is a roster, which may or may not be accurate and isn’t phonetically spelled out.  After that it’s you free styling for the next one to three hours without a net.  Just like any other facet of roller derby this takes practice as your brain is trying to decipher in real time what is happening and how to describe it accurately, without repeating the same things over and over again.  It’s like playing chess, scrabble, and watching an action movie all at the same time, while talking about them all together.

People sometimes ask me, since skaters play the game shouldn’t they be good announcers?  In theory yes, since they play roller derby they should understand the rules and strategy of the sport, although it’s staggering how many don’t beyond a base level of the game.  This is the same answer to the question of why can’t all skaters be good referees?  That is not to say that skaters can’t be good announcers or refs but it requires a different skill set. 

There are thousands of people who can out skate me, but only a handful can out talk me.  I do think that as skaters retire from playing full time, you will see more that can speak in public and have a charismatic personality enter the announce booth, the same way you will see more of them officiating games and coaching.

Calling a game online is much harder then calling a game live.  Instead of speaking to 1,000’s of people at once, you are figuratively speaking to one person, the man or woman who is tuning in via the Internet.  When you are watching derby live, you don’t need the announcers as much if you know the sport, but if you are watching online they are a huge help, as you cannot see the same level of detail over the web. The announcers become much-needed narrators to give you minute details and information of what is going on in the game.  Essentially they are your eyes and ears.

You need a deep skill set to announce a game online.  You have to know all of the players and be able to call the game like a hockey or soccer announcer, explaining the action in real time.  I can’t stand it when announcers keep talking about a check that happened 30 seconds ago when so many other things have transpired since then that are more important, such as who is scoring and what is happening in the pack.  The announcer must also be able to explain the strategy of the game:  why the pack is speeding up, slowing down, using 2 skater walls in the front or the back, why one team is staggering it’s blockers, etc.  This is the most underutilize part of online stream announcing I have noticed to date.  Plus during all this you need to know and be able to decipher one of the most complex rule sets in sports and explain it in layperson’s terms.  While he or she is doing all this, they must be entertaining and not distracting at the same time.

I have muted games or stopped watching games all together because of how bad the announcing was.  What are the things that brought me to do this?  The big one is the announcers talking about themselves ad nauseam instead of the game. In your day to day life, how long do you talk to the people who are only speaking about themselves?  So why would you listen to someone who is doing the same thing while announcing a game?  The focus should be on the athletes, not the announcers.  Hearing about how drunk he or she is or will be at the after party doesn’t help the announcer’s or the sport’s credibility.  Another thing that annoys me is when announcers go on and on about something that is happening in the arena that has nothing to do with the game and the cameras aren’t focused on.  I don’t need a 5 minute detailed explanation of the t-shirt cannon, or the mascot, or random fans with their faces painted.  And I cannot understate it enough, if you can’t keep up with the action, you shouldn’t be talking on the Internet. 

For the people who are tuning in on their laptop, you are their eyes and ears and you MUST respect that.  Just talk about the damn game.

The Internet has been the continuing catalyst of growth for roller derby since its revival.  Leagues have popped up across the globe because of the information that can be shared via websites, specifically social media.  In 2011, games can be shown and new fans can be brought in because of it.  Even though some teams draw in thousands of fans per bout live, there has yet to be a major international marketing campaign outside of the familiar microcosm of roller derby websites and magazines.  The closest thing to one was the press tour for Whip It.

New fans are stumbling across bouts online via sites such as Ustream.tv and Justin.tv. The amount of entertainment sources today are uncountable so capturing their interest has to be done quickly before they click to another site and if they do decide to stay and watch, they need someone who can explain to them exactly what it is they are seeing since they don’t know the rules or what strategically is happening..  This where having competent announcers becomes so important, a voice to explain and educate, to help turn the new viewer into a fan.

I am not naïve; bad announcing will always exist in roller derby.  It exists in professional sports where announcers make thousands of dollars per year and thus it will naturally occur in an amateur sport as well.  However, there are dozens of talented announcers out there who can help to spread the game to new fans and they should be used whenever possible.  Competitive teams don’t start players because of how cool they are or who they are friends with, they play the athletes who are good at their job.  Announcing roller derby should be the exact same way for the good of the sport as a whole.

Mumble and Tank. Photo by Jason Bechtel

*Special thanks to photographer Jason Bechtel for this article’s feature photo.

• Tank can be followed on Twitter  @tankofalltrades